The MUSE

Being Robin Gaye

The American Robin is often among the first songbirds singing as dawn rises, and last as evening sets in." -Wikipedia

I am that rare American Robin that gets along with cats, doesn't eat worms or breed (at least not yet, one never knows what the may future hold.) I was born Robin Gaye Goldblatt. Now I am Robin Gale Bensinger. What changed me is a long story that I plan to write a book about. In the fourth grade I was teased about being a "gay bird with a gallbladder". That was 1979, and I guess gay was just starting to mean homosexual. When I was named that it just meant happy. During the summer between 7th and 8th grade, I used some unfortunate life events to justify changing my middle name and last names. I dropped the "y" in Gaye and adding an "l" to make Gale. I thought it was cool, because "Gale" is the male spelling (versus the female "Gail", which held no appeal for me) and it also signified to me a respectable windstorm. And wind, to me, meant change. Change for the better I thought. I'll get rid of that Goldblatter/gallbladder too, once and for all, I thought. Who needs it? I'm not storing up any bile over this whole situation. So I allowed my stepfather to officially adopt me. I am now a Bensinger. Son of a singer, I thought. Because in Hebrew, "ben" means son and "bat" means daughter. So I became a new me, and when anyone asked about the old me, it was a mute point.

Now I think maybe Marvin Gaye was my "soul father". Crazy, maybe, but makes sense. I just read about him, and he rocked! Knowing about him has helped me to come out of the closet and decide to reclaim my rightful heritage as a gay bird with a gallbladder. After all, from my research, birds DO have gallbladders, in which to store their bile. There are exceptions, but they are in the parrot family:

The liver of the bird has two equal lobes and is nestled next to the heart under the rib cage. Like in humans, the liver acts as a detoxifier, purifying toxins that enter the bloodstream and it recycles red blood cells some which are used to create bile. In some birds the bile is stored in the gallbladder. In birds such as the budgie, and some members of the parrot family lack a gallbladder. -Wikipedia (Note: But just because the American Robin is one of those birds that DOES have a gallbladder, do I have to go around advertising the fact? I will address that issue later.)

"Goldblatt" in actuality, means "gold leaf" in German. so literally, I was a happy bird sitting on a gold leaf in a quiet German village. But of course, history likes to warp things. I don't think anyone would argue that it is a very Jewish sounding name. And I'll admit, I've had issues with being Jewish since attending a Pentecostal church with some born again cousins when I was 6 years old, and the chance to take on a less Jewish sounding name was appealing as well. And of course, the whole sexual identity thing is pretty big when you are 13 years old. But now I say, who cares if I'm straight, bi, or gay? What's wrong with being gay anyway? I looked up gay in the Merriam Webster dictionary, and here is what it said:

gay
adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French gai, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German gahi quick, sudden

Date: 14th century

1. a: happily excited : merry b: keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits
2. a: bright lively b: brilliant in color
3. a: given to social pleasures; also b: licentious
4. homosexual b: of, relating to, or used by homosexuals

You know, I'm glad I have a gallbladder, because this world has given me a lot of toxins and even a healthy dose of bile, which I need to store somewhere, because I don't really feel like dumping it in a landfill. But I have no strong allegiance to keeping the name Goldblatt. For one thing, if I want to be sitting on a leaf, it would be a green one. And for another thing, I know maybe one sentence in German, and I pronounce it in a broken Austrian accent learned from a college roommate who studied abroad for a semester. "Ich bein vildt unt frei" I am wild and free. So wild and free in fact, that I don't want that last name signifying some piece of nature dipped in a precious metal. I'd rather just be Robin Gaye, plain and simple, soul daughter of Marvin.

written February 2, 2008

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